Top Five Search Phrases Used To Find My Blog

After filling my blog with a successive wave of long, involved, and possibly far too onerous posts, I have decided that I should probably post something that is a little less serious (a little less potentially boring), especially since the blurb under the blog's title promises "humour."  Not that my proposed humorous posts ever succeed in being truly funny, but at least they're less of a chore to read.

My initial idea for this post was to report on the top five troll comments that I deleted this week.  Unfortunately said troll comments were, as usual, the typical fare that broke down into two categories: a) the "fuck you stupid communist, Mao was stupid" category (variations on expletives, the "shout use" of caps-lock because they're really angry with me for some reason, and hilarious mispellings); and b) the "fuck you feminazi, Andrea Dworkin is stupid" category (with the same variations as the first category but also with differing misogynist flourishes).  Giving five versions of the same I AM YELLING AT YOU BECAUSE I HATE YOUR POLITICS troll comments gets old pretty fast.  And even if I added the comments I allowed to pass moderation even though they violated my comments policy with their suspicious use of the "Anonymous" name, and that possessed the "I'm a first year major in philosophy and know more than everybody" flavour, it still wouldn't be that funny.

No, it would be sad.

So instead, I've decided to share with you the top five search qualifiers that have, sometimes for rather strange and ineffable reasons, led random googlers to discover my blog.  Some of these are rather... well, you'll see.  I don't know if this entry will be ha-ha funny, but it might be somewhat amusing.

1.  "comics heroin bikini"

Yes, there are actually people out there who are looking for female comic book protagonists in bikinis.  I suppose the reason these words connect to my blog is because of an entry I wrote, almost a year ago, about a certain comic I found expressly problematic.  The supposedly empowered protagonist is always bikini-clad a la Red Sonja... and that is the least of that comics problems.

Or am I wrong and they weren't misspelling "heroine" but were actually searching for something more like this:

Comic Heroin Bikini

And yet this search term (and often with "heroine" misspelled) shows up every month.  There are a lot of people looking for "comics heroin bikini," apparently, who then decide to click on the link of an unrepentant communist site.  Which probably also explains some of this month's troll comments because they really mean to complain: "FUCK YOU COMMUNIST - WHY DO YOU DENY ME COMIC HEROIN BIKINI?"

2.  "misandry"

This one is just bloody annoying because, probably 80% of the time, it's typed into google by Mens Rights Activists (MRAs)––the type of people who believe that there is really such a thing as "misandry" and that they are victims of an imaginary feminist conspiracy.  I have maintained on this site, even in my comments policy, that the term "misandry" is a misogynist term and so it annoys me that the search qualifier leads to my site.

Or maybe I should be amused because I bet it leads to the article, Oppressors Who Think They're Victims, where I trash the use of that term.  And this explains the second category of hate mail where MRA trolls rant at me, IN ALLCAPS, about how I am a "feminazi."

3.  "human nature and babies"

This is another search term that pops up almost every month.  People are really obsessed with looking for information about human nature and babies.  Really.  Is this some sort of highschool assignment regarding the positivist and undialectical nurture versus nature "debate"?  Parents who want to know if their children are going to grow into saints or serial killers?

In fact, the main reason my rambling post on human nature and communism is often at the top of my "Popular or Controversial?" window is because of this search term which points them to this picture, which is apparently a pretty popular picture that I stole from someplace else, randomly, with no concern as to whether or not it was "cute" or revealed some secret insight into a supposed baby-human nature:

I only put this picture up a second time to make my blog more popular.  Clearly my appropriation of this picture has caused random internet searchers to provide me with spikes in traffic.  If I keep putting up cute baby pictures I cannot help but solicit EVEN MORE traffic.

BABIES!

BABIES!!!

Now I shall have upped my traffic significantly for the next few months.

Tangental point: do an image search for babies and the vast majority of the pictures are of white babies. The pictures chosen above are attempts at racial parity, using the only two pictures on the first page of my baby image search that had visible minority babies, as befits the anti-oppression guidelines of my blog.  Something needs to be done about the white baby hegemony.

4.  "female battle armour porn"

Um.... Yeah.... Obviously an extension of the logic behind "comic heroin bikini" but more extreme.  As someone who tends to accept the radical feminist analysis of pornography, I cringe when I think that my page manifests on google when someone enters the above phrase.  Some basement-dwelling dude out there is looking for pornography where women are wearing kick-ass "battle armour."  Medieval fantasy porn?

Or maybe female battle armour porn is something less obvious, more rarified and niche: perhaps this searcher fantasizes about feminized mecha-battle armour.  That is, perhaps they were searching for porn involving something like this:

"female battle armour" - sooo hawt!

Well if this is the case, then we must ask the larger theoretical question: does the eroticism of robotic bodies qualify as pornography in the way that pornography is meant by radical feminist theorists?  Clearly an important question.

5.  "oblivion red armour book on chain"

Again with the armour theme, but I have no idea what this search phrase even means.  I don't know what's weirder: that this search qualifier was inputed into google in the first place, or that the robotic genius of google decided that my blog was an appropriate choice.  Or even stranger: that the person looking for oblivion red armour book on chain decided to click on the link of a communist-maoist blog.

I don't know about the "book on chain" part, but perhaps I can cater to "oblivion red armour"... BEHOLD! OBLIVION RED ARMOUR MAO:

Oblivion Red Armour Mao Zedong

His red armour helps bring oblivion to the exploiting classes!  It casts revisionism into the historical abyss!  There is clearly nothing more awesome than Oblivion Red Armour Mao.  Not even Comic Heroin Bikini.